Faith, Belief, and Respect in Our Marriage

Religion plays a much bigger role in everyday life in Nigeria than it does in the UK. That’s something we’ve learnt not just through culture, but through the questions and comments we receive online.

We’re often asked why we don’t go to church.

Why our children aren’t christened.

Why faith doesn’t look the way people expect it to in our home.

So we wanted to talk about it honestly.

My husband is a Christian. What he describes as a modern-day Christian. He believes in God, but his faith is personal rather than performative. He went to church when he lived in Ivory Coast, but over time — and after moving — he didn’t find a place of worship he connected with. Even when he returned to Nigeria, he didn’t attend church, and he hasn’t gone since living in the UK.

That doesn’t mean his belief disappeared.

For him, faith is internal. Quiet. Something that exists without needing to be announced or enforced.

I, on the other hand, am not a Christian.

I don’t believe in God, and I never have. What I do believe in is energy — that we are all energy, that what we put out into the world matters, and that the frequency we live on shapes what we attract. I believe in souls. I believe in reincarnation. These beliefs aren’t abstract ideas for me; they were something that helped me survive certain phases of my life.

Just as people are proud to be Christian, I’m proud of what I believe in too.

In our marriage, belief isn’t something we try to change in each other. It’s something we respect.

I respect my husband’s belief in God.

He respects that I don’t share that belief.

I’ve always been clear that church isn’t something I would attend, because I don’t believe in it. He’s always been welcome to go, and he’s always been free to explore his faith in whatever way feels right to him.

Our children are not christened, and that’s a decision we made together. I don’t believe in forcing belief onto children before they’re old enough to understand or choose for themselves. If my husband wanted to take them to church, he could — but it would never be compulsory. We want our children to grow up exposed to ideas, values, and perspectives, and then decide for themselves what resonates.

For us, belief isn’t about control.

It’s about autonomy.

We don’t measure morality by religion. We measure it by kindness, honesty, empathy, and how we treat others.

Our differences — cultural, spiritual, and otherwise — haven’t divided us. They’ve taught us how to listen without needing to agree, and how to love without needing to convert.

Faith looks different in every home.

This is simply what it looks like in ours.