Parenting Across Cultures: Finding Balance in Our Home

Parenting is hard enough without adding culture into the mix, but when you’re raising children across two very different backgrounds, you quickly learn that how you parent is often shaped by where you come from as much as who you are.

In our home, those differences are clear.

Dammy is structured, authoritative, and not afraid to let the kids experience consequences in order to learn. Respect, responsibility, and accountability matter deeply to him, and he’s comfortable being firm when it’s needed.

I’m more relaxed by nature. I lean toward gentleness, explanation, and flexibility, especially when emotions are high or situations feel overwhelming.

But one thing we both believe in is explaining.

Clear boundaries matter to us, but so do the reasons behind them. Whether we’re being firm or gentle, we take time to explain why a boundary exists, what’s expected, and what happens if it’s crossed. We don’t parent in silence or “because I said so.” We want our children to understand, not just comply.

Another difference that shows up in our home is around responsibility.

Our children are expected to help around the house, tidying up, contributing, and understanding that being part of a family means pulling your weight. This isn’t linked to pocket money or rewards. It’s simply part of being in a household where everyone contributes.

That might feel unfamiliar in some British homes, but for my husband it’s completely normal, and over time, I’ve come to see the value in it too. It’s not about control; it’s about teaching respect, independence, and accountability in everyday life.

At first, our differences could feel like tension, we had to learn each other’s style. Two approaches, two instincts, both coming from love, but not always expressed in the same way.

What we’ve learned over time is that neither approach is wrong.

There are moments where a more authoritative approach is exactly what’s needed, and we’ve seen it work. Clear structure, consistency, and consequences can give children a real sense of safety.

There are also moments where gentleness matters more, especially having a son with autism, where listening, patience, and understanding can completely change an outcome.

Rather than competing, our approaches now complement each other.

We talk.

We reflect.

And we’re honest with each other.

There are times when I’ve said, “That felt a bit too harsh, maybe listening more would help here.”

And there are times when Dammy has said, “I think we were too gentle, this might be a moment for firmer boundaries.”

Neither of us takes that as criticism. We see it as parenting together.

At the heart of it, we both want the same thing: to raise respectful children who feel heard, guided, and supported.

He’s learning to slow down, listen more, and allow the children space to express themselves.

I’m learning that sometimes children need a bit of tough love, clear limits, and follow-through to feel grounded.

We’re not trying to raise our children “the Nigerian way” or “the British way.”

We’re raising them our way. Informed by culture, shaped by experience, and adjusted as our children grow and show us who they are.

Parenting across cultures hasn’t given us a perfect formula.

But it has taught us how to balance firmness with compassion, structure with explanation, and boundaries with understanding.

And that balance is something we’re still learning — together.