Food in Our House: Spice, Chaos, and Compromise
In our household, food is never just about eating, it’s about culture, preferences, and a little bit of chaos. People are always asking if I cook Nigerian dishes, and the answer is… rarely! I’ve tried plantain, puff puff, and maybe once or twice egusi, but the dish I do cook more regularly is Nigerian stew with spaghetti. Most of the Nigerian cooking is handled by Dammy, depending on the dish and who’s eating.
Before Dammy, I never ate spice. Not a single ounce of it! So when I went to Abidjan, and Dammy was cooking all these meals, although he accommodated the spice level for me, I had to not be rude, and really try eating it. However I surprised myself and really enjoyed all the meals he prepared for me. He was my introduction to spice!
Who Eats What
Our kids have very different palates, which makes mealtimes both challenging and fun:
Our 10-year-old daughter, Lily-Grace, isn’t a huge fan of Nigerian food and struggles with spice. She can only tolerate pepper soup.
Our 7-year-old son Oliver who despite having autism, is a spice champion! His absolute favourite is Nigerian stew and rice, and he can demolish chicken bones like no one else.
Our 3-year-old daughter, Luna is hit and miss with spice but loves yam, plantain, and British dishes like bolognese and roast dinner.
Our 18-month-old, Irisa, is truly Nigerian. She’ll eat any Nigerian dish at any spice level, and if Daddy’s plate is nearby, she’ll make a beeline for it!
What We Eat
Nigerian dishes Dammy cooks that I enjoy:
Egusi soup - this is one of my favourites but I pair it with mash potatoes as I don’t like eba/poundo.
Chicken pepper soup with yam
Nigerian stew with spaghetti - one dish I did learn to make and my regular contribution for the whole family
Plantain
Puff puff - I cook the puff puff!
Jollof rice (when I’m in the mood)
Fried rice (again, mood-dependent)
Indomie noodles - a favourite with the kids! Always with egg too!
Meat pie - we have tried to make our own together before too.
Dammy cooks other dishes too like okra soup, oil rice etc. but for me personally I don’t enjoy them, but the kids, especially Irisa will eat
Something that Dammy always does is accommodate the spice level for me when cooking, and bless him sometimes at the expense of there not being enough spice for him. There has even been times the pepper soup is so spicy that he’ll redo it because he wants me to enjoy the food, and that I’m always incredibly grateful to him for doing.
British dishes I cook, although out of all of them Dammy will only eat one!:
Roast dinners
Spaghetti bolognese - could argue it’s Italian! But it’s a favourite in our house
Stew and dumplings
Rice with turkey and condensed mushroom soup
Steak & homemade chips - Dammy does like homemade chips
Pie & mash
A sandwich! Dammy still can’t get his round a sandwich! lol They don’t appeal to him at all.
Full English breakfast - Dammy does love some egg, bacon, chips and toast! Though I do have to spice up the egg and bacon!
Takeaways we love:
Indian food is our go-to: naan, curry, and the kids are fans too!
No Pressure, No Cultural Expectations
One thing that really works for us is that we don’t pressure each other when it comes to food, or lean on cultural expectations to decide who should be cooking what.
Culturally, in many Nigerian households, women are expected to cook their husband’s meals. But in our marriage, that’s never been an expectation placed on me.
Dammy enjoys cooking Nigerian food, and I enjoy cooking British food. If I want to help, I do. If I want to learn, I do. But it’s always a choice, never an obligation.
We don’t believe marriage should be built on pressure or unspoken rules. We believe it should be built on respect, flexibility, and doing what works for our family, not what others expect.
How We Make It Work
Dammy cooks most Nigerian meals, I cook British dishes.
The kids get to choose what they want to eat, depending on their spice tolerance and preferences.
We enjoy meals together, blending both cultures where we can.
No one feels judged or forced, it’s all about enjoyment, balance, and family harmony.
Food in our house is as much about connection as it is about nourishment. Watching our children explore different flavours, seeing our 18-month-old eagerly reach for Daddy’s spicy plate, or our son devour chicken bones like a pro, it’s these moments that make family mealtimes special.
Food is culture, compromise, and chaos all rolled into one, and we wouldn’t have it any other way.
